Alternate Realities You Wish You Didn't Have

I have been addicted to drugs for more than 10 years now. I've got no job because I've got no confidence in myself. I cannot hold a decent job because I feel useless. I spend my time in and out of rehabilitation centers, jobless, purposeless. 

I was one of the smartest kids in school back in the day. Then I met a new group of friends who did drugs every now and then, but never serious enough to deal any damage to myself. I had a job, and I was doing very well. I had a very beautiful girlfriend and I loved her very much. I kept telling my best friends I was going to marry her. 

One day my car was hit by a drunk driver and my girlfriend died on the way to hospital. I fell into depression and started using drugs to hide away from the pain. Everything changed. I was never the same again. I have been addicted to drugs for more than 10 years now.


I think I had a terrible childhood. I think I am physically and mentally stronger than most people around me, because I had a very strict dad. Dad used to come home from work once a week, and he would beat me up everytime I fall short of his expectations.
He was a no-bulshit kind of person. I never once had a warm memory of my dad. There were a few times when I bled from his beating.
My friend fell into depression and tried to commit suicide. I don't understand how a person with First World problems can have so little mental strength to over come these simple problems that he has to commit suicide. I have been through far worse, and I am doing fine.
Because I had a terrible childhood, and I because of that I bet I can deal with anything in the world.

I am unemployed. I have been in and out of jobs for years now since graduation. It's because I never liked doing all the things my jobs wanted me to do. And it's because I am searching for my true calling. I may find it, this calling. I may not. I may end up poor and homeless, but it doesn't matter. So long as I keep doing what I love to do it's okay. Right now I love playing computer games and just doing nothing much. Maybe tomorrow I will finally be awoken from this dream of denial and irresponsibility, but not today. Today I am still able to relax and not do anything I don't want to do.

I screwed up big time. I always screw up, and I never learn from it. It's because I keep getting attracted to the wrong type of people. I screwed up my SPM because I had bad friends. I couldn't make the cut to study overseas because I had bad friends. I kept failing in college because my girlfriend demands too much of my time.
I got a job, and within the first 5 months I managed to con the company of quite a good sum of money. I am smart that way. I can make it in the world, eventhough I wasn't very good in school. I hoped my parents would be proud of me for once. So I got a new flashy car.
The next month I got caught red-handed conning money out of the company's accounts, and I got myself sacked. Now I can't return to working within the industry, and have not enough money to pay for the car I just brought. Stupid company. If they didn't want me to con their money, they could have made their systems foolproof. Bunch of idiots.


I am married. My wife is expecting. And I am spending most of my time with my girlfriend. I tell my friends I am finally doing what I like and I will follow my heart on this because I will not live forever. But I don't really know what I am doing.
All my life I have been under strict  care by my parents. I didn't know why they didn't let me do this or that, just that they will severely punish me if I did them. So I spent all my childhood evading anything I think would make them unhappy, even though deep down inside I really wanted to do them.
I tried breaking their rules once, and mom raged with a knife around her neck threatening to kill herself if I wouldn't quit smoking. I still smoke now, but they don't know. I am finally able to do what I want to do now, and it feels good although I don't really know what is happening to me now.
So I got married because I got my wife pregnant, but I am in love with another woman.


I own nothing to my name. No car, no house, no trust fund. I dream of a fancy Porsche and a big-ass bungalow with my very own pool. But that is just a dream, and I know it. I wake up and I deal with the real life ahead of me. I am a snorkeling guide in an island. People say I am useless, without future, without dreams. People look down on me because I don't have a car, no money, no house, no career.
But I feel sad for them. I pity their lives, how difficult they have to endure their every day hardships so they can own material things that don't matter. I pity their greed for money they do not need and riches they do not know how to use. I feel sad that they have to work so hard to own a small little lap pool, when I awake every morning to face the entire South China Sea.
I love my life because I know what life really means. I don't care if others look down on me. I pity them. I hope they would one day wake up from this mindlessness they seem to be trapped in willingly.

I'm not yet 30. I have cancer. But I don't whine about it. People around me complain about their puny work stress and school exam problems. They complain about not having enough money to spend, not being able to buy this and that.
The doctor tells me I am lucky to have the cancer caught at this very early stage, that it can be easily cured. But I have to face painful chemotherapy. Over and over again until it ends. And it will never end because it will always come back. Life changed since that day. It will never be undone, it will never return to normal. No matter how I pray and wish for it to.
People around me whine and complain about their puny little problems. I don't. I take what life throws at me and if it sucks I show it the middle finger. Because I fucking went through this shit, and nothing else scares me anymore.

I was 24 when it happened. I was pretty smart in school, my mom spent a good deal of her time working her ass off to pay for my college bills. She loved me nonetheless. And I was aiming for a good scholarship so she won't have to pay for my education anymore. It was time I pay her back for all she did.
She was going to India to visit family. It has been too many years, and she finally got the holiday she deserved. I drove her to the airport, it was around 5 in the morning. I was exhausted from studying for exams the night before, but I insisted to send her because it meant a lot to her this trip. And it meant a lot to me too.
I was driving home when I dozed off and crashed my car. My mom found out the next day only when she arrived in India. It was a transit with a long stop-over because it was cheapest. She booked the next flight home.
I was 24 when it happened. And if I hadn't died, my mom wouldn't have been so depressed and kept blaming herself for my death. She wouldn't have sank into dementia and ended up as sickly as she is now. I could have been able to care for her and take her on the holidays we were always talking about when we were shit-poor.

Good bye to You

Our relationship is rather special. Love, hate, respect, disappointment, forgiveness, love. Different people have different definitions of you. Some talk very highly of you while others think you're so good at pissing people off it's like breathing.

I hear you lost your husband at a time when you needed him the most. I heard he was very rich and it was a big hit to you because you would then need to raise all your children by yourself. I also heard one day you were so angry at your husband you dumped an entire tub of piss and crap onto him.

I hear the only thing you ever think about is your money money money. But I also hear you gave your son-in-law money to buy a house when he took your daughter as his wife. And when he spent it all on a losing business, you kept quiet and let it pass. I also heard he borrowed money from you, and gave you a dishonored cheque as collateral. And you never asked a single cent back from him. I hear the only reason you adopted so many children is because you thought it would give you a chance at having your own children, which you did. But I also heard you made a deal with The Goddess that if one of your adopted 3-year-old son could talk you would become vegetarian for life, which you did. 

I remember you didn't like me sucking on the pacifier. I remember you rubbed chili all over it to encourage me to quit the habit. I remember following you to the market every weekend just so I could get you to buy me that little box of chocolate that comes with a free toy. I remember your private cupboard, utensils and fridge just because you are vegetarian. I remember you hanging a plastic bag on the house gate with a dollar twenty inside, and I remember the bread man knowing what to give you in return for the money. I remember you swinging the broom at my father because he'd beaten up your daughter. I remember you calling him a cow. 

You were a good person but you let your blabbering mouth get the better of you. You shouldn't have told everyone about how your only son fell from glory into bankruptcy and how he lost all his money and friends. You should have been a little more supportive and helped him get back on his feet again. You were kicked out of home because of that. And in the three years you aged and finally died here, nearly nobody came to look for you. Nobody cared because you are now poor, you don't have the money to give away and you are becoming a nuisance because you can't hold your bowel and bladder. Hardly any of your children, hardly any of your grand children. 

Good bye to you, my special person. The person I loved, hated, respected, felt disappointed at, forgiven, loved. You have lived a very successful and fulfilled life, considering the hardships you had to endure. The family you left behind is not perfect, but they will learn to get by with each other. They will learn to tolerate and avoid each other as much as they can. Good bye to you, my special person. 

Discuss: Anger Level and Music

Theory: Angry people love listening to soothing and slow music, and vice versa. Discuss. 

Please post your reply as follows:

NAME: please don't use anon, it's stupid to not use your own name when leaving comments. 

ANSWER: YES OR NO. Simple. Fence-sitters are not allowed

THOUGHTS: objective thoughts, no trolling and no keyboard warriors. Yes, you geeks over there stop snorting and adjusting your glasses. 

Thank you, and know that I love you too. 

You're a Mess and We Know It

If you're reading this, know that I know you are in a mess. Everything is still a blur to you, everything is still moving faster than you can register them and process them. If you're reading this, know that we are so fucking worried about you it's not funny anymore.

You do not want to choose, you do not want to take up the responsibility. It's unlike you because you've always been the one to do that very well. You were a religious man, now is the time to believe. There were times when we could do whatever the hell we wanted whenever the hell we wanted, but those days are long gone. More for you than anyone else in the group. But you choose not to take up the responsibility, you choose to run away, you choose to hide away. 

You are feeling numb. And you numb yourself even more by drinking so much. It takes away the pain, the guilt, the fucking guilt of doing what you are doing. Alcohol drowns the conscience in you. But it doesn't fix the problem. You need complete clarity in your mind and body to fight this. It's a battle you cannot lose, but it's a battle you do not have to fight yourself. This is what friends are here for. We share your shit, and we do it until we die. Stop numbing yourself, stop drinking and hoping the problem will go away because it will never go away until you decide to stand up and act against it.

You hate yourself for what you did, for what happened and for what you did after. Maybe, maybe not. But you hate yourself for getting yourself into this shithole. It's a shithole you wish there was a fucking Ctrl+z you can keep hitting over and over again, and wake up with it being just a fucking nightmare. Well it's not a fucking nightmare. It's real. 

We can't sit by the side and pretend nothing is happening. Last week you told me you're in control of the situation and you know what you're doing, but after what I saw last night I don't think so. You're a mess and you're keeping a distance from us because you think we don't know the shit you're going through, because you think we'd judge. Fuck you we don't judge, not you not any one of us. We are worried fucking sick that's what was going through our heads.

I am sorry but this has to end, the bitch will have to leave. This is an intervention. This is no longer freedom of choice, because you are clearly not in the right mind to make your own decisions. You are numb and you are lost and you are abusing yourself because you are punishing yourself for your mistakes.

Turn back, you still can. Your responsibilities need you. There is a reason why all religions preach the same when it comes to family and responsibilities. Because it's fucking true what they all say. Because they people who wrote these tomes have seen enough shit happening in their days. This thin ice you're treading on is getting brittle, it is going to give way.

Do not go any further my friend, my brother. We are more brothers to each other than our families were, and it has never changed since. Do not go any further, the road ahead is fucked. The road ahead is fucking fucked. Please turn back, look back, the rest of us standing right behind you. We are reaching out to you, we want to bring you back. Give us your hand. Let us pull you back.

It may seem like the wrong thing to do now, but this is all an illusion. The fucking devil is pulling your strings, the devil is screwing with you. Don't let it go on, you are better than this fuck! It will get better and when you regain clarity you will know what you did was not right.

This certainty, it is all fake. It is the honeymoon stage of the relationship you;re currently going through. And you think she's the special one because you haven't felt the honeymoon stage for so long you forgot what it is like to be infatuated with someone. This will pass, and soon you will regain consciousness. We don't want that to be too late. 

I am sorry but this is no longer a democracy. You no longer have freedom of choice. You chose us as your friends, and you get friends. We will intervene. You will be given an ultimatum from us, and soon we will intervene. You will fucking hate us but we won't fucking care. Because as your best friends, we are here to pull you back from the fucking devil.

I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Salvation I don't believe in redemption. I don't believe in special things people will get from a higher power if he believes. I believe you have to fix your own shit and you have to make your own future. It's not given to you, you are not entitled anything. Everything you want you have to fight very hard to get. We all do. Praying will ease your mind and it will guide you to the right path, but it will not solve your fucking problems.

Wake up brother. We are fucking worried for you. Wake up brother, don't stay in there anymore. Numbness is not good. Numbness will not make the problems go away. We need you to wake the fuck up now! And then we can start helping you, walking with you, getting you back on track.

Desert BODMAS

Once, a long time ago, I went to a survival camp and was taught to do things in ways I would normally not even consider. But most of them made sense.

For example if someone is drowning in a river, the last thing you should do is to jump in to save that person. There are many other reasons why a person could be drowning, including cramping, rough under current, poisonous snake or other animal, weed entanglements, and other possibilities. All of which would also kill you the same way even if you're a world champion swimmer.

Then it was getting lost in the desert. The question was: If you're lost in the desert with no sense of direction and only a 600ml bottle of water, what would you do with the water and how would you try to survive?

Understand that when I was going for these courses, Bear Grylls was still learning how to eat goat testicles.

They said that I should immediately drink all of the bottle's contents and try to use the little time of complete clarity to find a way to get myself out of the situation. Yea right. How many would, being lost in the middle of the desert, choose to gulp down the entire bottle of water in one go? Even if you have complete clarity, you could only do something given that you know how to do anything at all under the circumstance.

If you know how to dig a hole under the sand, place a plastic cover and a pail to catch the condensed air to get water for consumption, then good for you. What if then you have no equipments, no substitutes and no idea what to do? Would you still drink all of them in one go, or would you ration them as much as you could in hopes that rescue would come to you before you die?

In essence your answer to these questions will reveal what kind of person you are, how you approach tasks and handle danger, and what you expect from life and others around you.

For example we can all agree that a person who jumps into troubled water to save the damsel is god damned stupid, and he's got balls where his brains should be. But what if your own wife/mother/sister/brother/son is the one in there calling for help? Would you keep telling yourself to remain calm and try to find alternative ways to save them without harming yourself?

And what if you took the guide's advise and drank all the water in one gulp, but you can't figure anything out despite your mental clarity because you don't know how to deal with these kinds of situations in the first place, then you die of dehydration just minutes from rescue's arrival?

What if you watched Bear Grylls eat that dead zebra, did the same, and died of dehydration caused by diarrhea just hours before some 4x4 crashes through the dunes and could have discovered  and saved you had you not tried to be smart?

Shit happens. If you have to die then let it be. Ultimately we are just numbers in the world of statistics, nothing more. If millions can die of car crashes, cancer and cigarettes why can't one die of an extraordinary cause?