I was one of the smartest kids in school back in the day. Then I met a new group of friends who did drugs every now and then, but never serious enough to deal any damage to myself. I had a job, and I was doing very well. I had a very beautiful girlfriend and I loved her very much. I kept telling my best friends I was going to marry her.
One day my car was hit by a drunk driver and my girlfriend died on the way to hospital. I fell into depression and started using drugs to hide away from the pain. Everything changed. I was never the same again. I have been addicted to drugs for more than 10 years now.
I think I had a terrible childhood. I think I am physically and mentally stronger than most people around me, because I had a very strict dad. Dad used to come home from work once a week, and he would beat me up everytime I fall short of his expectations.
He was a no-bulshit kind of person. I never once had a warm memory of my dad. There were a few times when I bled from his beating.
My friend fell into depression and tried to commit suicide. I don't understand how a person with First World problems can have so little mental strength to over come these simple problems that he has to commit suicide. I have been through far worse, and I am doing fine.
Because I had a terrible childhood, and I because of that I bet I can deal with anything in the world.
I think I had a terrible childhood. I think I am physically and mentally stronger than most people around me, because I had a very strict dad. Dad used to come home from work once a week, and he would beat me up everytime I fall short of his expectations.
He was a no-bulshit kind of person. I never once had a warm memory of my dad. There were a few times when I bled from his beating.
My friend fell into depression and tried to commit suicide. I don't understand how a person with First World problems can have so little mental strength to over come these simple problems that he has to commit suicide. I have been through far worse, and I am doing fine.
Because I had a terrible childhood, and I because of that I bet I can deal with anything in the world.
I am unemployed. I have been in and out of jobs for years now since graduation. It's because I never liked doing all the things my jobs wanted me to do. And it's because I am searching for my true calling. I may find it, this calling. I may not. I may end up poor and homeless, but it doesn't matter. So long as I keep doing what I love to do it's okay. Right now I love playing computer games and just doing nothing much. Maybe tomorrow I will finally be awoken from this dream of denial and irresponsibility, but not today. Today I am still able to relax and not do anything I don't want to do.
I screwed up big time. I always screw up, and I never learn from it. It's because I keep getting attracted to the wrong type of people. I screwed up my SPM because I had bad friends. I couldn't make the cut to study overseas because I had bad friends. I kept failing in college because my girlfriend demands too much of my time.
I got a job, and within the first 5 months I managed to con the company of quite a good sum of money. I am smart that way. I can make it in the world, eventhough I wasn't very good in school. I hoped my parents would be proud of me for once. So I got a new flashy car.
The next month I got caught red-handed conning money out of the company's accounts, and I got myself sacked. Now I can't return to working within the industry, and have not enough money to pay for the car I just brought. Stupid company. If they didn't want me to con their money, they could have made their systems foolproof. Bunch of idiots.
I am married. My wife is expecting. And I am spending most of my time with my girlfriend. I tell my friends I am finally doing what I like and I will follow my heart on this because I will not live forever. But I don't really know what I am doing.
All my life I have been under strict care by my parents. I didn't know why they didn't let me do this or that, just that they will severely punish me if I did them. So I spent all my childhood evading anything I think would make them unhappy, even though deep down inside I really wanted to do them.
I tried breaking their rules once, and mom raged with a knife around her neck threatening to kill herself if I wouldn't quit smoking. I still smoke now, but they don't know. I am finally able to do what I want to do now, and it feels good although I don't really know what is happening to me now.
So I got married because I got my wife pregnant, but I am in love with another woman.
I own nothing to my name. No car, no house, no trust fund. I dream of a fancy Porsche and a big-ass bungalow with my very own pool. But that is just a dream, and I know it. I wake up and I deal with the real life ahead of me. I am a snorkeling guide in an island. People say I am useless, without future, without dreams. People look down on me because I don't have a car, no money, no house, no career.
But I feel sad for them. I pity their lives, how difficult they have to endure their every day hardships so they can own material things that don't matter. I pity their greed for money they do not need and riches they do not know how to use. I feel sad that they have to work so hard to own a small little lap pool, when I awake every morning to face the entire South China Sea.
I love my life because I know what life really means. I don't care if others look down on me. I pity them. I hope they would one day wake up from this mindlessness they seem to be trapped in willingly.
I'm not yet 30. I have cancer. But I don't whine about it. People around me complain about their puny work stress and school exam problems. They complain about not having enough money to spend, not being able to buy this and that.
The doctor tells me I am lucky to have the cancer caught at this very early stage, that it can be easily cured. But I have to face painful chemotherapy. Over and over again until it ends. And it will never end because it will always come back. Life changed since that day. It will never be undone, it will never return to normal. No matter how I pray and wish for it to.
People around me whine and complain about their puny little problems. I don't. I take what life throws at me and if it sucks I show it the middle finger. Because I fucking went through this shit, and nothing else scares me anymore.
I was 24 when it happened. I was pretty smart in school, my mom spent a good deal of her time working her ass off to pay for my college bills. She loved me nonetheless. And I was aiming for a good scholarship so she won't have to pay for my education anymore. It was time I pay her back for all she did.
She was going to India to visit family. It has been too many years, and she finally got the holiday she deserved. I drove her to the airport, it was around 5 in the morning. I was exhausted from studying for exams the night before, but I insisted to send her because it meant a lot to her this trip. And it meant a lot to me too.
I was driving home when I dozed off and crashed my car. My mom found out the next day only when she arrived in India. It was a transit with a long stop-over because it was cheapest. She booked the next flight home.
I was 24 when it happened. And if I hadn't died, my mom wouldn't have been so depressed and kept blaming herself for my death. She wouldn't have sank into dementia and ended up as sickly as she is now. I could have been able to care for her and take her on the holidays we were always talking about when we were shit-poor.
I screwed up big time. I always screw up, and I never learn from it. It's because I keep getting attracted to the wrong type of people. I screwed up my SPM because I had bad friends. I couldn't make the cut to study overseas because I had bad friends. I kept failing in college because my girlfriend demands too much of my time.
I got a job, and within the first 5 months I managed to con the company of quite a good sum of money. I am smart that way. I can make it in the world, eventhough I wasn't very good in school. I hoped my parents would be proud of me for once. So I got a new flashy car.
The next month I got caught red-handed conning money out of the company's accounts, and I got myself sacked. Now I can't return to working within the industry, and have not enough money to pay for the car I just brought. Stupid company. If they didn't want me to con their money, they could have made their systems foolproof. Bunch of idiots.
I am married. My wife is expecting. And I am spending most of my time with my girlfriend. I tell my friends I am finally doing what I like and I will follow my heart on this because I will not live forever. But I don't really know what I am doing.
All my life I have been under strict care by my parents. I didn't know why they didn't let me do this or that, just that they will severely punish me if I did them. So I spent all my childhood evading anything I think would make them unhappy, even though deep down inside I really wanted to do them.
I tried breaking their rules once, and mom raged with a knife around her neck threatening to kill herself if I wouldn't quit smoking. I still smoke now, but they don't know. I am finally able to do what I want to do now, and it feels good although I don't really know what is happening to me now.
So I got married because I got my wife pregnant, but I am in love with another woman.
I own nothing to my name. No car, no house, no trust fund. I dream of a fancy Porsche and a big-ass bungalow with my very own pool. But that is just a dream, and I know it. I wake up and I deal with the real life ahead of me. I am a snorkeling guide in an island. People say I am useless, without future, without dreams. People look down on me because I don't have a car, no money, no house, no career.
But I feel sad for them. I pity their lives, how difficult they have to endure their every day hardships so they can own material things that don't matter. I pity their greed for money they do not need and riches they do not know how to use. I feel sad that they have to work so hard to own a small little lap pool, when I awake every morning to face the entire South China Sea.
I love my life because I know what life really means. I don't care if others look down on me. I pity them. I hope they would one day wake up from this mindlessness they seem to be trapped in willingly.
I'm not yet 30. I have cancer. But I don't whine about it. People around me complain about their puny work stress and school exam problems. They complain about not having enough money to spend, not being able to buy this and that.
The doctor tells me I am lucky to have the cancer caught at this very early stage, that it can be easily cured. But I have to face painful chemotherapy. Over and over again until it ends. And it will never end because it will always come back. Life changed since that day. It will never be undone, it will never return to normal. No matter how I pray and wish for it to.
People around me whine and complain about their puny little problems. I don't. I take what life throws at me and if it sucks I show it the middle finger. Because I fucking went through this shit, and nothing else scares me anymore.
I was 24 when it happened. I was pretty smart in school, my mom spent a good deal of her time working her ass off to pay for my college bills. She loved me nonetheless. And I was aiming for a good scholarship so she won't have to pay for my education anymore. It was time I pay her back for all she did.
She was going to India to visit family. It has been too many years, and she finally got the holiday she deserved. I drove her to the airport, it was around 5 in the morning. I was exhausted from studying for exams the night before, but I insisted to send her because it meant a lot to her this trip. And it meant a lot to me too.
I was driving home when I dozed off and crashed my car. My mom found out the next day only when she arrived in India. It was a transit with a long stop-over because it was cheapest. She booked the next flight home.
I was 24 when it happened. And if I hadn't died, my mom wouldn't have been so depressed and kept blaming herself for my death. She wouldn't have sank into dementia and ended up as sickly as she is now. I could have been able to care for her and take her on the holidays we were always talking about when we were shit-poor.
this is weird and kinda sick at the same time.
ReplyDeletehow so?
ReplyDelete