I Do It Because

I drink less water everyday because I'm afraid of getting lost in a desert someday, and not have enough willpower to go days without water.

I don't eat breakfast because I don't want to have a habit of eating it, then suddenly not doing it due to time constraints and ending up with gastric.

I don't eat Panadol because there will come a day when I really really need it, only to find myself immune to its effects.

I replace the expensive antennae on my new car with a cheap fake one which don't really work because I'm scared the expensive one would be stolen.

I don't buy genuine branded goods because I'm afraid someone might steal it

I leave the plastics in my new car on because that way the seats won't get dirty

I practice to poo once every 3 days because that way when I go camping, I can hold on a few days without needing to poo.

I drive like a psycho bitch every day because I know there will come a day when I need to drive that way when rushing to a hospital.

I hold pee in my bladder for hours sometimes because I'm training for days when I'll be stuck in traffic a long time. That way I'll be mentally prepared.

I still eat at dirty restaurants because I think that it keeps my immune system strong.

I'll borrow my friend's Manual Transmission car for a drive every once in a while because when there's a killer zombie chasing after me, and the only car available is a stick, I'd be able to drive off with it.

I hurt myself sometimes to train my resistance to pain because there will come a day of war and I might become a prisoner of the enemy.

I would skip meals every now and then to train my mental strength because there might come a time of famine.

I sometimes fill myself silly with alcohol and drive home because I'd like to train my perception to surpass the alcohol's influence.

I never watch the very final episode of all my favourite TV series because if I do it'll be over... Forever.


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Star Sun Fish Prawn Crab

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Inspirations

Pictures from 

http://godessofsmallthings.files.wordpress.com, http://www.solarnavigator.net and carsmods.blogspot.com

The world is an inspiration. Honda took 2 famous icons and made the Freed. But to make it less obvious, they put the design at its backside. 

Moral of the story is..... there is none to be found here. 

A Prayer to God

Dear God of Climbing. Bless Your Soul. Bless the Limestones that were erected in your name. Bless the Jugs and Crimps and Slopers and Pinches and Pockets and Over Hangs and Under Clings that were molded in your form. Bless the nylon harnesses and the dynamic ropes and the titanium wire-gate quick draws that allow me to connect to You. And bless the Carbon Magnesium chalks that allow me to prolong that connection.

I have a confession to make. A few weeks back I posted something on my wall. I posted that thought out of anger and spite and frustration and disappointment. I posted that thought by mistake.
I lied. I lied to myself and to my friends and to my friends' friends and to the people all around the world who saw my post that day and the day after and the day after that. I lied. That was not what I really meant. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, O Holy God of Climbing. I'm sure you saw it that way too.

If you alleviate me of this disability, I make a solemn promise. I promise to uphold the codes of Climbing to the letter. If you return me my Godly powers, I promise to pass down your wisdom to others. If you bestow upon me your gravity-defying blessings, I will ensure your efforts will never go to vain. I will make known the legends of The Figure-4, The Figure 9, The Egyptian, The Double Dyno, The Double-Step Dyno, The Two Finger Pull Up, The Hand Jam and the Under Cross-Hand Dyno. The world will hear of these mythical movements. They will gasp in awe. They will embrace these movements. And they will once again applaud your existence.

Hear me, O Holy God of Climbing. Return me my Demi-Godness and I shall return you your Glory and Immortality.

Going Green: Responsibilities.

Little bit of important details one must know and get accustomed to when entering a jungle. If you find all these items down here troublesome and tedious, drop your bags, hang your shoes and forget about ever going into the jungle until you've learned to respect it. Trekking and camping in the jungle comes with responsibilities.

Trekking

1. Guys (the male kind), kindly keep your egos out of the jungle. If you have problem doing so then you should really reconsider entering in the first place.

2. Bring your own trekking poles. It's not cool to go into the trails with a parang and happily chopping up tree branches to use as walking poles when your knees start to give way. Know your limits. If you're weak in the knees, bring your own poles. The cheap ones from China barely costs RM 50 each. Don't be cheaper than that.

3. See the trail, follow the trail. Some trails have red and white ribbons tied onto tree branches, some have yellow or red tags stuck onto tree trunks. Bushwhacking is not recommended under all circumstances, unless you're very experienced. But if you're experienced, you might not need to read this post anyway. Every once in a while turn around to check the trail you came from, in case there are forks you could not spot from the other angle.

4. Engraving your names onto tree trunks? Seriously? Who LOVE who else? You probably didn't cause the tree it's life by engraving your less-than-uneducated names onto the trunk, but please!

5. Avoid using bushcraft in the trails, unless absolutely necessary. Don't know what's bushcraft? Good. Keep it that way.

6. If travelling in a group, stay in a group. There's no shame in asking for a break, even if that girl in front of you is clearly better than you. It's more important to stay in the group.

7. Trek Leader (in front) and Sweeper (at the back), always do a rough head count of everyone in between. Make sure everyone is accounted for, and if not, call for a search immediately.

8. If lost, stay on the trail and stay where you are. Blow the whistle if you have one. If not, call for help without reciting your friends' full names along with their fathers'. Of course the first thing to do if you have a Celcom network is try using your phone.

9. Please keep ALL your rubbish to yourselves, biodegradable or not. This is not negotiable.

10. If you have to take a poop or pee while trekking, I suggest you do it out of the way, as in NOT on the trail. But make sure you have another friend or two to stick around just so you don't get lost while looking for a good spot. You might smell bad, and it'll help now more than ever if you or your friends are smokers.

11. The squirrels are cute, those wild mushrooms look cool, could I take that fuzzy little thing home? No, no and NO! Imagine if 5000 people go past that section of Mount Kinabalu and all want to take home a squirrel as souvenir. What's left there?

12. When going into nature and enjoying it's beauty, please enter ONLY with the same nature we have all been given: with legs (or anything similar in kind). 4x4 truckers have no respect for nature whatsoever. You'll agree once you've seen how much damage these people have caused the natural balance all in the name of 'sport'. If you guys wanna learn problem solving, go to Club Med.

13. Hashers you're not forgiven as well. Shame on you, throwing all those papers around the trail. Biodegradable, yes. Eye-sore, also yes!


Camping

1. Bring tents with adequate poles and pegs to avoid using materials from your surroundings. Yes, the idea of camping is not to McGuyver your way through but to enjoy nature while doing as little damage to it as possible. Which also includes skewers for your little marshmallows.

2. Some damages are inevitable but can be minimized. When selecting a spot to lay your tent, please remove all dried leaves and twigs. This will disturb the balance of the site, but it will also ensure you don't sleep on scorpions and centipedes.

3. Contrary to popular beliefs, boxing your campsite with yellow sulfur will not keep snakes and scorpions out. I've seen sulfur lines stained with snake's slither marks. And did the shopkeeper tell you it's poison to people as well?

4. If you're camping at the beach, avoid having your tent's entrance facing the sea or the opposite. You'll be catching the worse winds into your tent and eventually damaging it's structure.

5. Avoid starting campfires. They consume too much wood, generate too much fume and you only sit around it to talk cock. If you have to use campfires, keep them small. Small enough to generate enough ambers to bake that cake or chocolate banana, and nothing more. Harvest fire fuel only from dead trees, as it should be. Keep fires well away from tents, and sheltered from winds. Keep a pail of water and/or sand nearby. Fires are more unpredictable that you think. Before sleep, please make sure the ambers are cold to the touch. I've seen fires restart by strong winds with almost dead ambers. Many times. Feel like it's a tedious task? Then don't start fires.

6. Do not start fires using those white-colored solid fuel. They're very kuno and extremely poisonous. Challenge yourself to a 3 match-stick start, or use those organic fire starters satay guys use on coals. Cap Ayam.  I've seen people use kerosene or petrol. This is what will happen: Big ignition, much black smoke, fire  returning to it's original size. Because all you're burning is kerosene, not the wood.

7. Set bio ditches for excess food and the other bio ditch for your pee and crap away from tents. Pee and crap have to be down stream from the spot where you pick up river water, and at least 200  yards (180 m) away from any water source.

8. It's dinner time, and it's raining. Should you cook in your tent? Why not? But do you want to cook your tent instead? More so if you're using an MSR. So under no circumstances shall you cook in your tent.

9. I know. The Marlboro Man sleeps outside his tent at night. He's also dead from excessive smoking. Snakes are cold blooded. When the night gets too cold, they need to find a warm spot to adjust their temperature. And guess what? You're nicely cuddled in your sleeping bag, warm and cozy. You wake up in the morning and feel something cold and scaly wrapped around your legs inside the sleeping bag. Good riddance.

Business: The Epic Fail Cycle

Time and time again we see businesses fail. Wanna know why? Simple. Here are examples of reasons why businesses fail to take flight, or die after a few years of operation. 

1. Fail-To-Planners

Okay here we have the biggest misconception in the history of mankind: There's no need to study business in order to run one. Sure, we see some good companies in the world founded by Engineers and Doctors (The REAL ones). What about the ones we don't see? The countless millions that just open shop, and inevitably die the next day? We don't because they don't live long enough for us to notice. 

Problem with these Fail-To-Planners is their perception of business. They collect about RM100k, spend it all on rentals, interior design, and what-nots. They have the coolest idea in the world, that's to make their restaurant Different from others'. Their restaurants became so different nobody wanted to eat their food! And what about operational costs? Don't know what's that? And the first 3-5 months of running the business on a loss while developing awareness and getting people to visit your little cafe? Why 3-5 months? Simply because it takes that long for people to notice your cafe's existence and actually try it out. 

7 out of 10 will close-shop by now. "Material prices too expensive. Location not good enough, all the realtor's fault. Partner left. Market not ready for our kind of product. Too niche. Customs don't allow us to import dolphin meat". All rubbish! If you've splurged all your initial modal on fancy interiors and famous chefs, where are you gonna get the money to sustain operating on a loss? I bet you didn't know you need to do that for 3-5 months right? 

2. Fail-To-Marketers

You spent half a million on that dream restaurant of yours, and you refused to hire proper and professional marketing and advertising teams to run your campaign for you. "Ridiculous la! I also know how to take pictures and post flyers la! Save the money, I do myself". And all your staff will ever do is swat flies day-in day-out. Do not underestimate the power of marketing and advertising, and what the professionals can do that you'll never be able to figure out. Simply because they got that 'Useless Degree'. Coca-Cola tastes like shit. They're one of the biggest companies in the world simply because they turned that shitty sugar-water into the coolest drink in the world through marketing. Fosters Beer is by far the crappiest beer in the world. Same thing: marketing. And Absolut Vodka? Who would've thought the Swedish can make anything other than boring cars and cheap furniture? 

You've got that Million stacked up behind the restaurant. But how many hundred thousands will you be ready to lose before finally calling it quits? 

3. Fail-To-Sustainers

By far I think this is the most important criteria of failing in business. Why? Because it's like doing CPR on your dying wife from Ipoh to KL, and she ends up dying in the hospital, surrounded by doctors. 

This is the Epic Fail Cycle of how your business will now die:

Problem: Not enough customers to sustain business. Running on loss

Solution: Blame it on bad season. Reduce costs to maintain. 

Result: Food quality sucks. Not enough waiters to handle the crowd. Your remaining loyal customers don't return.

Solution 2: Maintain existing operations. Jack up prices to make up for loss, and hopefully can break-even.

Result: What some more?! Nobody will return la! 

Solution 3: Spend cautiously on ridiculously stupid marketing campaigns to lure near-freeloaders to eat at your place and hang out there for longer periods.

Result: You've just attracted the one crowd you never want in your restaurant: Free Loaders. Too many people eat only during those times, and those who hang out will hog the already limited number of tables you have, ordering Ais-Kosong one after another for at least 3 hours. 

4. Fail-To-Leavers

This I cannot blame you. Some people are born leaders, others try to make it, but majority of the people out there don't even know how to spell the word LEADER. Being a leader is being able to inspire, NOT direct and manage. Many don't quite know the meaning of these. 

You're already 65. Rich like hell, and wanna retire and go on holidays with your wife before either or both of you die. You've been training this Protege for years now. You've seen him work, and he's good. You leave the company for good. 2 months later, it faces bankruptcy. You've got no choice but to return. You end up working until 83, retire and die swallowing an ice cube the next day on the way to your first holiday with your wife. 

Advice

When things don't go right in your business, inject funds. Or find ways to make your business run more efficiently so costs can be cut from there. Don't ever direct extra income from your customers. Don't reduce workforce on sales departments (waiters included as they're your closest hands to the customers), as they're the ones who actually make money for you. This will only end in a further INCREASE in losses, for sure. If anything, INCREASE commissions on your sales teams to encourage them to work harder! 

Marketing and advertising teams are out there for you to use. Don't stinge on them. Whatever their advise, absorb and process. Don't try to act smart and do them all by yourself. They can sell ice to Eskimos, and you can't even sell food to hungry people. 

Project: Match Issue 003

I know I'm violating a number of Copyright Acts by using photos grabbed from all over the net and not asking for permission or at least crediting them. From this issue onwards, there will be photo crediting. Please don't sue me. This blog don't make any money because no one ever reads it. But honestly, for you to have found your picture in this blog, that's kind of saying something else. And I should be happy about it.

1. NG EU JUN

Eu Jun is able to properly differentiate Fact from Fantasy. Sometimes I think that is what's keeping him from properly stretching his limits. When asked what cars he'd like, see him passionately describe to you his love for the 5 Series or the 3 Series Ci or the Aston Martin DBS or the Subaru Impreza. But down to the real world, he won't get anything close to those. He'll get the... yes. 

TOYOTA VELLFIRE
Source: http://cars.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/140298/

Despite his love for fast and furious cars, Eu Jun will end up getting this. Because it seats 12. Because it's a Toyota. Because it looks kinda cool with the body mods. Because it's supposed to be fuel efficient. He's as practical and objective as any Chinaman car buyer can be. Second-hand value, sure got ah! Plus if his kids carry his genes, 20 can get in. He won't want those 450" Rims though. It consumes too much petrol and those tires are expensive. He'll show you 0-100 in 25 minutes. He'll do 60 on the fastest lane of a highway, and not move away even for the Ambulance.Then he'll wind down the window and throw out a tissue paper. He will say: " Wipe your face, you're sweating."

2. BRYAN TENG


My brother. Bryan is an Act First, Think Later sort of person. Sometimes, more often than not, he comes out of a situation looking rather stupid. But that won't stop him from doing it all over again. And again. And again. 


FORD MUSTANG GT 1965

http://www.chooseyouritem.com/classics

They say to be a loving brother, you have to give them what they want, and maybe more at times. So this is me being a good brother. Bryan and the Mustang GT. Left-hand drive for the lefty. Finally he can smoke in the car with his left hand holding on to the cigarette. It rams through situations head-first, and when the first bend comes, crashes into the bushes. There's nothing else to write about this car, because there's nothing I find interesting with it. But Bryan will drool. Bryan will feel connected. Bryan will fall deeply in love. He will pick up girls with it. He will need the girls to pay toll for him, because it's on the other side. He'll need the girls to look out for traffic for him, because it's on the other side. The girls will leave. Then he'll probably find another more sensible car. Right-hand drive maybe. Which then will get him interested in a look-alike. Only from the outside, I can guarantee you that.


DATSUN SUNNY

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/

Come on man! Tell me you see the resemblance! This one is a right-hand drive. It's got 2 doors like the Mustang, it's got those classic round lights, and the tire rims look so alike! Only difference is when driving the Sunny, the engine will sound like you're on constant Reverse. No, actually it'll even feel like it. Yes, Bryan. This is me being the brother I've always been.

3. MICHELLE TENG

She's one of the very few I know who sees Subaru Impreza as a beauty. And I'm proud of that. She's the only girl I know who wants to, without her mother's knowledge, get a bike license so she can own a Hayabusha someday. Michelle take things too seriously sometimes. But when it's funny, she'll never know when to stop. She's sometimes a little too honest about the things she say. If there's an insurance out there for misuse of words in public, she might need it. 

SUBARU IMPREZA
Source: http://carscoop.blogspot.com

 Yes, this car properly represents her. It's honest. It's humble. It's hardworking. It's not a salesman. It gives you a lot, and when it's limit has reached, it'll simply shut down. No, that's just Michelle. This car can take a tonne more than she can ever squeeze out. This is the first car she wants from her first job. She's very passionate about it. Tell her the front lights look like Satria Neo's and she'll emo for the rest of the day. It's practical enough. She takes it pass 180km/h through bends, and the AWD keeps her on track. Hairy-chested too. Sprung out of the womb of WRC Champions, this beast is pedigree. Sleek and silent to blend with corporate elites, but inside the 300bhp dragon unleashes with the tap of the pedal and shift of the stick. Yes, Stick. 'Only Faggots drive Auto', says the woman.

4. DESMOND ONG

Speed demons must have a certain fire in them. The flair to outperform and over power the machine. Setting limits and breaking them, setting that new limit and breaking it again. Desmond's appreciation for the world is not average. There's heart and soul in everything around him, especially in cars. No corporate Black Tie can keep him at bay. It is difficult to tag him to one particular car, as it is too easy for him to fit into almost every fire-breathing monster in the market. But I believe he will see this one I chose as something rather out-of-the-box.

ALFA ROMEO 8C COMPETIZIONE
Source: http://www.carsbase.com

A dream. A perfect machine. A topless. An Italian. An art. A Limited Edition. Everything else in the world will be rubbish to him now. The beauty carved from generations of dedication, comes a masterpiece he will never die not having. Some say it drives like a nanny. But who cares. Desmond will fall in love all over again. He will drive his wife around the coasts with it. He will bring a dog. Just one. There's just not enough space for all their dogs in there.This car will love him too, because he takes it down a hill side road, sideways. Forget the Lambos and Ferraris, they're forgettable. This one, this one will stand next to a Picasso one day.



5. KELVIN HEW


Kelvin is one very good friend, for one very long time. He has immense amounts of anger, now carefully embedded within. Sometimes however, they emerge. But only slightly. Experience has helped him build a stronger cage. Kelvin is a free-spirited man. He can't give two flying monkeys about any social compulsory Cow Manure. He does what he likes, when he likes, and the way he likes it done. Cars to him is an extension of his legs, the amp to freedom. It does not amount to much, but having one won't hurt.


VOLVO XC 90 
Source: http://www.volvocars.com/us

The safety. The space. The size. The ability to haul his family and bags up long trips. The engine that is used in the Noble M600. Exactly what he needs. Because it's a car, and because it can only be a car. Kelvin's freedom cannot be summed in steel and wheels. It has to be more. But when it's a car, it has to have the best of everything.



 

Education Conspiracy

Sunny weekend morning. Posh housing community. Man washing his Bentley. Neighbor watering plants. 

Greets with smiles. 

"Hey, Bill."

"Morning, Evelynn."

Bill        : Hey you know what, I just bought over this software thing from an Indian chap. Thinking of starting something.

Evelynn : What you got in mind?

Bill        : Dunno. Maybe a software company. Gonna be big. So I'll probably need your help with starting it up.

Evelynn : Sure thing, Bill. What you need?

Bill        : I'm gonna need a large influx of new grads majoring in this new computer-related degree. I've thought about a name, but nothing nice popped out yet. Information Technology, maybe.

Evelynn : Sounds like a good idea. As long as you can provide sustainable jobs, I can make them dirt cheap for you. 

Bill        : I could show you my plan. Maybe we could talk this over some coffee later. 

Evelynn : Sounds like a plan.

Sit in a lecture hall and you'll constantly hear lecturers going on and on about getting ready for the work life outside, how to be a good employee, how to move up in the corporate ranks. Has any lecturer ever taught us to maybe start our own companies and hire some employees of our own? Have you also ever wondered why huge multinational conglomerates almost always give out scholarships to high scorers without asking for anything in return other than to keep the spree going? 

Because they all know we'll make fine employees some day. Because they all know we'll probably not graduate to be a business owner, and therefore not a competitor. Big-ass companies all around the world make sure all of us are groomed to become fine new workers. Workers for them. Workers that will benefit them. 

Many years back there was a surge in fresh graduates holding degrees to Information Technology. So much so that many were unemployed for a long period of time. Some even ended up waiting tables or distributing flyers to wait out the queue. Those employed were paid peanuts, because there was no union protecting them, and because they know there were tonnes out there that would do anything for his/her job. The right people told the right friend to do the right thing so they get the right people for the right price. We're all chess pieces here.

The Universities we were educated in are business entities, which means they make money or they get closed. The lecturers who taught us were cowards who were too afraid to face the real world, ending up forever confined within the Walls of Comfort. We paid to be carefully brainwashed into thinking the world outside only accept studious employees. They don't. More than half of the fresh graduates out there are suffering because they don't know how to think critically. This means leaving your textbook at home and tackling a problem by actually using that webbed right hemisphere. Don't go cutting your wrists yet. It's not all our faults. The people teaching us are too afraid to live in the real world, and yet they were the ones to groom us for it. How ridiculous that must sound now.

It is, unfortunately, unavoidable that the world's education systems are made to create workers and not Fortune 500 founders. What is avoidable is the mentality one holds on to when attending these teachings. Look at things in a different perspective. Dare to be bigger than everyone else in your class. And when you do become founder of a Fortune 500 someday, allocate some funds for student scholarships. They give your company a good name, and they help eliminate future competitors.

The writer is merely expressing his personal view in this post. There are no evidence whatsoever to back any of his claims, and therefore should in no way be treated as valid claims. The dialogue enactment was fictional, and any similarities with real life people are purely coincidental. 

Project: Match Issue 002

Project: Match Issue 002. Lets get on with it, shall we.

1. KEANGSTON

Keangston (this guy's name really tests my typing skills) doesn't believe in moderation. He'd either not get into something, or it's gonna be till death. I know pilots are speed demons, but when I'm writing this post down he's not one yet. As far as cars are concerned though, he'll see things a little differently. I believe the keyword here is Refinement. For as much as I don't know about him, I've listed two potential cars he could fit into.

VOLKSWAGEN EOS

No this is NOT a girl's car. This is as manly a car can ever get. A 'Refined' manly car. Despite parents' discouragements on buying cars with the resale value of peanuts, he would get this one. And it would be in White. Washing it would be a pain, but the end result would be satisfying. There's absolutely no boot space for this car, so he'd reserve the two back seats for climbing and Cross Fit gears. As much as he hates the heat here in KL, he would draw down the roof whenever possible simply because no other car in the 250 mile radius can. 2.0 TSi? Packs a punch. You just don't know it. Unlike the Z4 or the SLK, the EOS is humility derived from the richest of castes.

MERCEDES SLS AMG

 "No, that's not the car I want either!" Tough luck, dude. This is my blog.

Well now if Keangston hates the EOS, I believe this would be the one. This car is the ultimate contingency, for if he, somehow, can't become a pilot in the future. I'm not saying that he won't, but it's always good to have a Plan B. First off, it's got Wings. They don't literally fly, but boy 571bhp can take him places. The insides look quite 'Flight-Ready' as well.

Secondly, would you just look at that gear knob. It's made to look and feel like the throttles on Jumbo Jets. See, it's the Land Jet. Forget the Bugatti, it's got no aesthetic value whatsoever (which I'm sure I've already offended quite a a lot of people by this line). No, seriously. You have got to see this car. It is an Absolute Mmmmarvel (With Clarkson's exaggerated slang).

 

2. ANNA RINA RAHIM

This woman is.... a bit of a man as well. She's manly, and sometimes when need be, womanly as well. Both a symbol of masculinity and feminism. She can curse like a sailor's mother and she can be as polite as a canary. 

PORSCHE BOXSTER S

Why the Boxster, you ask? Because this car represents her. It's wild, 310bhp wild. It's refined, superb German engineering refined. And it's topless! Anna hates shopping, so to hell with the boot. She hardly drives anyone around, so passenger seat for Paco or Onni or whatever their names are. She'll probably go for the manual 6-speed because nothing beats handling the stick. Now what color would she get this car in? Blue? Black? That I can't tell.

3. EDMUND TAN

Edmund believes a car should be able to take him from one place to another. And fit 500 large shopping bags. And look good. And feel good to drive. Edmund's father believes a car should have good resale value. And nothing else. 

VOLKSWAGEN GOLF GTI

His dad will scream at him for buying this 'Thing'. Until he tells his dad it's got 7 SRS Airbags, and it sells for 70% money back. And it'll make his dad look good in front of his friends. That'll relief his mom off heavy jewelry. What a good son he's turning out to be. He'll take the black. He'll drive this car for 4 years, and still not know how to use the DSGs. He'll be able to avoid suicidal dogs better with this car.

4. HUEY TENG

Calamity. She wants a good car to posh around with, but her job makes it virtually impossible. Unless of course she starts up her own company at home. Her going home later than everyone else habit makes her a good robbery/raping/killing/bombing victim. So this is what she'll probably settle with. 

HONDA CIVIC

Hey, she used to own a Daihatsu Ascend. And as of last year, she officially hates white cars. The Civic is practical. Space, Comfort, Low Maintenance, Fuel Efficient and.... *snoring from boredom*. Father gets the Nissan Sentra because it's known for being able to last a hundred years maintenance-free. Look at the Nissan Sunny 120Y. But Prune-face won't do what father did. She'll make a difference! She will get a car with a lifespan of a Housefly! Okay that'll be a Proton, but pretend for a moment Protons don't exist. Bottom line is, she won't be a target of snatch theft in the middle of the night. She'll choose this car over the Toyota Corolla Altis simply because she sees more ladies drive this than the Altis.

5. NAZNEEN HALIM

Nazneen would love to drive. But she can't. And she probably won't, not until someone buys her a Hummer. And if she ever gets one, she'll probably have problem seeing pass the steering wheel. 

THE TAXI

Probably the best way to get around town, no doubt. Wave, get in, direct, read a book, pay, get out. When car prices go up, she's not bothered. When petrol prices go up, she's not bothered. When parking prices go up, she's not bothered. But when drivers haggle, she's bothered. When drivers tweak the meters, she's bothered. When she has to go home pass midnight and pay extra on fare, she's bothered. When the back seats reek of dead rats, she's bothered. When the driver starts ranting about his life, she's bothered. Well Neen Neen, you can't get the best of everything.

Project: Match

There's always a car out there for everyone, regardless whether you're a closet track racer or a Soccer Mom. Project: Match is set up as an attempt for me to evaluate my friends' character and match them with a car that responds to that character. The answers is not based on that person's wealth or success, only what they will choose based on how I see them. 

1. AMOS HO

Amos has dual Identity Disorder. He's caught between the corporate world and a world he wish he could forever live in. 

BMW 5 SERIES

This is the car he will use for work. He'll hate how this car drives, but he knows the corporate world is very superficial and he'll need to blend in to be good at what he's doing. Probably a 523i simply for the fuel efficiency and cheaper maintenance.

LAND ROVER DEFENDER

Deep down inside he's an adrenaline junkie. Particularly for jungle ravaging. He'll have at home this car. He'll love the feeling of driving at a viewpoint higher than others, and the ability to push other cars out of his way if he so chooses. If this car comes with the 6.5l Twin Turbo, he'll take it. Camo paint? Yes please! This will be his weekend car, with which he'll get himself lost somewhere in the woods and hope Simon would lead him back to civilization. If Simon fails, all the better. 

2. SHERRIE NG

Sherrie hates driving. She'll be happy if she never get to drive anything at all, ever. She likes things that don't surprise, especially in a bad way. She values honesty and practicality in cars so they'll never fail her when she needs it them the most. 

MERCEDES S500

The Merc S500 is reliable. It's luxurious, and it's perfect for her to be driven around with. She'll get the 500 for times when she has to get from place to place like Now. She'll also opt for Silver color, because her father would probably not let her in their house if it wasn't. The Merc S500 is also the symbol of the success, because that matters to her. 

3. CANNESS LEONG

Canness hates driving. Maybe it's a girl thing. She only drive to work and back, and only when nobody's there to drive her around. And when she's driving she adopts a principal of 'Get back Fast So I Can Leave This Thing!'. She can't differentiate between the Honda Camry and Toyota Accord. 

HONDA JAZZ

Simply for the looks and size. She can fit all her shopping stuff in the back, and parking will be a breeze. Maintenance is Okay, and she'll also probably take the Silver because she don't have to wash them all the time. This car will most probably be at home because everyone else will drive her around everywhere. When asked, she'll even tell her friends this car is a Myvi. But what's the difference? They've both got front lights, back lights, four wheels,......

4. HAN JUAN

Somehow Juan strikes me as a person who likes things very very efficient and very very effective. He likes to drive, and would like it more if there was something zippy and agile to work with him from home to Mad Monkeyz or Push More. 

 MINI COOPER S

He'll smile. He likes the 140bhp. Not too powerful, but good for overtaking and getting to places quickly. He don't need good boot  space, and his girlfriend would just have to drive her own car out shopping. This car cuts to the chase, gives him exactly what he wants. And it also looks good with him. He might just opt for the Blackjack Vinyls for added coolness.

5. CHENG LEONG

Lawyer man always travel between office and court, and sometimes getting a decent parking space is difficult. For that, he'll get a car that can attract enough attention so he can get to use special parking lots without jockeys making a fuss. This car would have to be nice enough to make a good impression, and not tell his clients he charges a bomb for services. 

PORSCHE CAYMAN S

I know. Not the best car to tell his clients he's not a cut-throat bastard. He will get it because he now gets to park it next to his bosses' cars, and tell them he's got some attitude. He will get it also because it seats only two. It's okay, as he always goes home for dinner. But he will have it filled with Doraemon designs and stickers, and this will make the car look less than professional.

More after the break.

I'm Not Drunk, I'm Just High

3 hours into the drinking session. We went from playing COD4 and SoulCaliber4 in PS3 to playing Burnout and KOF in PS2. 6 bottles. Bacardi, Southern Comfort, The Macallan, JD, Black and Martell VSOP. 2 bottles of Hoegaarden, 4 Heinekens, 2 Becks. 5 of us. Some idiotic Owl City song is playing in Alex's iPhone now. We all hate it, but it's still playing. Danny got challenged into a 5-second with the Black, and is now puking helplessly. Eric is out like a bulb. Eu Jun tries to sleep. Eric is taking too much space on the bed. Alex is now whistling to some Glee song.

2:45am. I know I don't feel that drunk, but maybe it's just my head telling me I'm still OK. Danny comes out of the bathroom telling us he's good. My guess is he'll sleep in 5 minutes. We're all singing to Accidentally In Love now. I feel like a smoke. Maybe I am high. Else I won't be writing this. It looks messed up, this post. But it's OK. 

"Pushing is when you know that you've got too much," says Alex. Danny is still drinking. Honestly, pukers are just wasting the drinks. They are all starting fall asleep, one by one. Don't think I can climb well tomorrow. Feel like a drink. VSOP and Coke. No. It's getting too late. Maybe just a smoke and then off to bed. Or I can drive home. Or not. See, I think I'm a tad bit more than just High.

Eric snores. Eu Jun is down. Danny's surfing the net using his iPhone cos I'm hogging his computer writing this crappy post. This'll probably be the worst post I'll ever write in Rantsack. But heck, who's gonna read it anyway right. And Alex scrolls through his miserable list of songs.

My sister called to inform me that she could reach out to our house keys stash using some little pole. That's scary, cause all our house and car keys are kept on that table. And I probably shouldn't be telling anyone about this too. But who cares. We're gonna stash them somewhere else from now on. Drunk. No, high. Need to smoke.

Snore, music, singing, snore. I'll be sleeping on the floor tonight. Yea, no mattresses even. So much for being a good host. Danny if you're reading this, next time please provide us with better accommodation facilities because this is next to Humanitarian Mistreatment. I dunno if this form of abuse even exist, but I think it should.

Staring at the Sun by Offspring. Nice. I need a smoke. But if I leave this computer, someone else might take it and use it and I won't be able to finish this crappy post. OK I think that's enough of this post. Gonna go smoke then prolly sleep, if I can. Zzzzzzzzzzzz........

Tobaccos and Tarantulas

Leaves rolled together. Bloody Englishmen. Smells tangy, crisp, natural. Lit. It burns. Smoke coming out from the burnt end. Inhale from the other end. Smoke fills the lungs. Warmth. Like a cup of hot chamomile, it relaxes the senses. It releases the tense muscles. Warmth in the lungs. Calming. 

Smoke fills the air. Putrid. Ashes fill the tray. Nimble to the wind. Exhale. The smoke slightly brown, unlike the gray original. Parts of the lungs leave the body. 

Ember. Glowing in the dark. Paper slowly burning away. The faded emblem at the end. Kill it. Done. Feels good to have had it. Feeling bad to still be hooked on it. Looks back. A half empty pack of 20s. Ugly little premature baby printed on the lid. Else, it's probably the best looking box in the market. An addiction. A habit. Disgusting. Necessary. Light headed. Stupid. Feels good to have had it.

Smoking is by far the most unnecessary and stupid habit anyone can have. Assuming an average Joe smokes one pack a day, that would come up to RM 3650 of spending a year trying to get yourselves killed. Come on, don't tell me you don't tip the lady who sold you your cigarettes. On top of the money paid, Joe would need to pay extra premium on his Insurance, simply because they regard him as a Subconscious Suicidal. And, Joe has to store chewing gum in his breast pocket in case his clients hate the smell. And, Joe would need to go for constant dental care because his teeth would turn yellow and crap-looking. And Joe would buy those expensive and strong colognes to hide the smell. And to all you Green Joes, those filters are NOT biodegradable.

Joe thought of quitting many times before. But what's the point. He get back on it the next day. Even if Joe got sick and couldn't smoke for a month, he'd come back to it the very next day he's better. "Quitting smoking is so easy, I've done it a million times." 

If you wanna quit smoking, here are a few pointers for the battle ahead. Firstly you need to understand smoking is actually 95% Habit and 5% Addiction. Unlike alcoholism, smoking don't get an AA room. 1st month or so, you'll do well combating your body's dependency on cigarettes. You'll get sick for the first week, then gain 5 kgs over the next 3 weeks. Ladies, good riddance. This is where you'll pick up the cigarette again.
The second month onwards, you'll be on a Mind vs Mind war for the next 8 months or so. You'll keep finding excuses to smoke again, and you'll keep finding reasons why you should not. Here are some reasons why you should smoke again:

' We all die in the end.'
' I could get hit by a car and die the next day.'
'It's not that bad, I could ask them to keep me sedated until I die. This way the cancer won't cause so much pain.'
'Smoking is the best social tool in the world!.'
'Many rich people I know are smokers. I should do the same.'
'You stop driving, I'll stop smoking.'
'If it's that harmful, shouldn't the government ban it altogether?'
'If I hold a drink and not smoke, I won't look half as cool.'

You'll soon find a replacement habit for the lack of this. Anything from overdose of Coca-Cola to straw shredding would do. Then you'd die of Diabetes Type Idiot, with no teeth to smile with in your coffin.

Here are some reasons you should keep clean:

'Your nose can smell like never before. It'll all go away if you give in.'
'Your tongue actually works. It'll all go away if you give in.'
'Your 42km in 3 hours will be gone if you give in.'
'Your young and wrinkle-free face will be gone if you give in.'
'If you get hit by a car, tough luck. But that's a chance you're willing to take.'
'You smell good now. Don't take that away.'
'The iPod, camera, Blackberry and Bell and Ross all came from your cigarette money.'
'Hey, Insurance just became more affordable ( only if you don't end up an adrenaline junkie)'
'No more chewing on recycled condoms!'

Tangy. Crisp. Natural. The smoke. Warmth in the lungs. Relaxing. I am slave to a plant. Good. Disgusting. Putrid. Smells like peanut butter. Lung burning peanut butter. Habit. No, addiction. Cannot live without. Comfortable now. Stay here. It's all good. Like chamomile. Kill it. Done. Stupid ugly habit. No, addiction. It's legal, so it shouldn't be that bad. Sleep now.

Degrees of Friendship

People meet people everyday. Sometimes they become more than what they initially were, and sometimes they fade into nothing. 6 Billion in the world. 26 Million in a country. 600 friends you know all your life. 300 of them you see again. 150 are in your Facebook list (assuming you only add people you know). 100 you see all the time, of which 40 are your colleagues, 5 your clients, 10 your activity buddies, 7 your gaming pals, 4 your snooker legs, your cousin's cousin, your brother's ex girlfriend, your ex girlfriends, your sister's boyfriend, and that lady who sells flowers two blocks away from where you stay. 6 left. Your best friends. What makes them so special out of the 6 billion? 

Acquaintances

You see them, they see you. Shake hands, say Hi and Bye. Smile. Smokers have a lot of these friends. They smoke, chat up a storm, and by the time they kill the butt, they've forgotten what that guy looked like. You can't be bothered if you'll never see them again. 

'Get-Away-From-Me's

Met through the oddest of odds, he/she's probably a friend's friend or just someone who's extremely lonely and is in dire need of a friend to talk to.  He has that extremely eerie stare and his jokes are stale and he's suffering from chronic case of halitosis. You hate him. You hate having to laugh at his ridiculous jokes and his stupid punchlines. He embarrasses you whenever around girls, and is the one reason you're still single. You refuse to add him into your Facebook Friends' list. You hope he'd get hit by a 50-wheeler right about now! 

Business Buddies

These people are good at what they do. Enough said. They can be the worst friends you'll ever find in your entire life, but somehow you know they'll make the best business buddies. One calculates every single cent he spends on. The other keeps complaining about the world and how it could and should be better. Another one keep threatening to sue the world. The other one an underachiever who loves to cook up mischievous ways to con everybody. You dread having them around for holidays and birthdays, but you keep them deep in your pockets because you know they'll be of use to you. 

Colleagues

You see them more than you see your dog at home. They make you want to kill them or yourself every single morning, but have to live with it. You hate their incompetence, but somehow feel happy they're around because they make you feel good about yourself. When it's time to clock out, they would suddenly disappear from your mind. If you happen to see them in clubs or pubs, you'll almost never want to go up and say Hi to them because you know the only thing you guys would talk about is the one thing you don't want to talk about. You hate their guts, and you also know the feelings returned are mutual. 

Yum Char Buddies

When work is done, you want to go out for drinks. Teh Tarik or Leffe, they'll always respond to your calls and will always be there. They're good talkers. You would talk about how bad the government is doing, how bad the world is now. How things used to be so good back then. Low crime rates, cheaper beer, cheaper petrol, cheaper everything. And if you'd be the Prime Minister you'd make sure all these remain the same. You share jokes, stale lame-ass jokes that only the 5 of you would laugh to. You go home at night knowing they'll be around again the next time you call for drinks, and say the same old shit all over again.

Activity People

Snooker, gaming, shopping, movies. You love having them around when doing things. And you know they love your company too. You talk about the things you do, jargon after jargon spills. You usually have different groups for different activities, because none of them would do everything you do. They do not cross your mind when you want to share something special with, and you won't call them when you just got robbed. 

Ring of 10

Close friends you found either through yum chars or activities, or just a randomly crossed path that happen to link the both of you. They may not know each other, but you know them. Every single one of them are someone you'll want to get to know. You exchange interesting topics and they almost always go with it and throw something back to you. You can sit for hours talking. These people know you. They see you. But only as much as you want them to see. You still behave yourself in front of them, careful not to be too vulgar or not to dig your nose too enthusiastically. 

Brothers or Sisters

Maybe from school, maybe through some odd random meeting, you met this band of brothers (sisters). They know you too well, sometimes more than you know yourself. You know what they're thinking. That Don't-disturb-me smile. You may be best friends because you're exactly the same, or exactly the opposite. You compliment each other in everything you do. You miss them when you don't meet up after a while. When you go to their home, you feel at home. When you get into trouble, their numbers are on Speed Dial 1,2 and 3. You talk rubbish and they respond you rubbish. You talk serious, and they respond serious.  You can meet them up for dinner every single day, everyone silent on the table eating, smoke, then leave without saying anything at all. You'll go back the next day, simply for the company. They'll tell you in your face if you're being cocky. You can see them having family outings and yum chars with you 50 years from now. They're bad at some things, but you can accept it simply because they're them. When you think of them, a smile draws across your face. You're glad you've met them. You're blessed to have them as your best friends. You'll hold on to them tightly for the rest of your life. 

Many people we meet are random. If I'd gotten into that primary school along Jalan Batu in KL, everything in my life would've been different. I wouldn't have met that guy who use to read game books with me in class. I wouldn't have met the group of people who took me in as a friend and a brother. The guy who'd take the bus home with me everyday, and his band of brothers who drink and drink. The other big band of brothers I found in secondary school. The associations I joined and the things I learned. The college I went to because all my friends were in the other one. The trekking hobby that led me to join the trekking club in college. The friends I made in the trekking club. The climbing trip that was organized by the trekking club. The being approached by a staff asking if we were interested to work there. The working there. The people I met working and climbing there. The people I learned from, asking nothing in return. The people I taught and am still teaching, asking nothing in return. 

But if I'd gotten into that primary school along Jalan Batu in KL, I may have another set of stories to tell.

101 Habits of Highly Effective Third World Countrymen

Ever wondered why whenever you drive into shop lots and shop offices there's almost always problems with double and triple parking? It's because when the developers built the place, they only allocate 2 parking lots per shop/office unit. They thought, at any given time, only one shop employee and one customer will be present in a boutique. Stupid developers cannot count. No they're not stupid they just can't be bothered. We build it as we see fit, including maximizing the amount of units in a given area so we can sell more, and to hell with the public's parking problem.
Then there's the problem with developers actually being nice and building multiple-storey parking. Just because they charge every-so-minimal fees, people would rather clog up lanes outside because they're free. Parking fines are expensive, but that's the chance they're all willing to take.

Faulty traffic lights are so common in KL, the people are already starting to categorize them as Natural Disasters. Natural Disasters are misfortunes that befall a place which is commonly an 'Act of God'. Simply put, people have no control over them. Sure thing.
Traffic lights in Malaysia are stupid. No, they're rubbish! You'd have to go through 8 traffic lights along Old Klang Road to get from Mid Valley to Jalan Templer Flyover, and it's less than 5 KM long. In my entire 10 years of driving, I've never once been able to pass any set of lights without having to stop for the next when it was just turning red. When that one turns green, I'd drive to the next only to find it just turning red. And the next, and the next. And I've lived in Old Klang Road all my life. Google Map says you need only 8 minutes to traverse  the entire Old Klang Road. I would like you to try. No cheating.
As much as I don't like to, I really have to say this. Traffic lights in Singapore are so well configured, as long as you drive within the speed limits you'd be able to pass all Green lights until the end. No, the ones in front of Sogo don't count. And No, you guys don't get to claim ownership of Bak Kut Teh just because I gave a little praise. 

Then there's a problem with people trying to 'Common Sense' out traffic lights' algorithms.
" This lane first, then the next, then mine.
What? That stupid light just skipped my turn!
Screw this, it's broken.
I'm just gonna drive pass!!"

"Tuan, Lampu rosak la. Betul punya cuba Tuan tengok. Kan?

Jangan saman la. Saya memang sudah tunggu dua round, Tuan."

Policemen are suppose to maintain national security, and ambulances drive dying people to hospitals. But each time the police erect road blocks, they're 'hungry'. And when ambulances blare sirens in clogged-up traffics, they're just trying to get pass the jam with that privilege they have. Sure, it happens. But what if they're tracking down a serial killer? Or a Hit-and-run fugitive? And what if there really was a very sick person in that Ambulance you refused to let pass behind you?

Stupid cab drivers are so choosy when it comes to customers' destinations. Too far, don't want. Too near, don't want. Got traffic jam, don't want. Then they cry to the authorities for not increasing their fares and making it hard for them to make a living. Then they start haggling. Then nobody wants to take cabs because of all the haggling. Then they cry some more.

All the education provided by our government and parents, and we still result to thinking with our asses. 

About Me

Life's about expectations. Expectations set by family, friends, society, employers and yourselves. Life's all about living up to them. I've never been able to live up to my parents' expectations. But then again my parents never had much expectations for me. I study, but could never do much. I was never that good in sports. But I was good at staying invisible. 

By 13 I enrolled myself into an organization that thrive highly on expectations and meeting them. There I learnt the importance of common sense and society's demands for any good Samaritan. I had trouble being out of invisibility. Responsibilities and consequences, I didn't know what they meant. 

In time, it was second nature to me. I would learn about what it takes to be a leader and a follower, and talker and a listener. What would be the correct action for any situation. When some things have to be done, they have to be done. There are no such things as excuses if it's not done. Before I knew it, I was already a person with expectations, not set by anyone else around me but by myself. I always know what I want and I always want to get it. No excuses. 

I got myself involved in little cyber gaming groups with some friends, and all I wanted to be is the best. The best, the best, the best. I now learnt that I am a competitive person. I destroyed so many mice the cyber cafe owner banned me from using any of his. Desperately competitive. Everything I do, I wanted to be the best. There's no place but the top. I'd always tell my team mates: Don't look, be looked at. Don't talk about, be the talk-about. 

Year after year passed, I set expectations higher than I knew I could ever achieve. I wanted High Distinctions for every single paper I sat for in college. I wanted to be The Best Climber in Malaysia. It was too much for me. I lost track of the actual purpose of studying, to learn and prepare for the world, and chose to study the lecturer's mind and giving him/her exactly what he/she wants. It gets me what I wanted, but not what I'm supposed to be getting. 

Every time I climb, I would tell myself: If this was a competition I'd only have one try at it. One. When I fall halfway, I would punish myself for my incompetence. You're weak!!!!!!! F**king weak ass!!!!! At this rate you can NEVER be number 1! NEVER! Words will constantly repeat itself in my head. I will not settle for second place. I cannot keep falling off of walls. I needed to stick every handhold like it was a jug and move. Every move has to be fluid. Every route MUST be cleaned. On Sight! No excuses! I'm not tired! I'm not hungry! I don't feel pain! My fingers are NOT bleeding! 

I thought the only way to make sure I clean every single route on first try is by punishing myself when I don't. I break more skin punching the wall than climbing it. I would scream, yell, destroy things. Sometimes even remove safety mats from below me so if I fell it'd be straight to the ground. MUST MUST CLEAN!!! YOU WEAK LOSER!!!!!! NO F**KING EXCUSES!!!!!! 
Come to think of it, it was actually quite stupid. I wondered how my friends looked at me back then. 

Fine, I became good. Very good. I was always hitting new national standings, scaring route setters and other climbers. They'd talk they'd point and they'd judge. But I got what I wanted. No I didn't. I lost it all. Climbing became work. It wasn't fun anymore. One day I punched the wall after I fell off and broke my hand. I was out for 2 months. After my return, I officially retired from competitions. 


Now I look back, I was an angry idiot. It has been years since then, and my constant motto now is to 'Rise Above' everyone else and the petty feelings they have. I can say I'm doing quite well, given my past. But I don't think it's really that good, though. Now I get bullied at work, and I would just walk away. These things done onto me may jeopardize my reputation, but still I choose to walk away. I'm beginning to lose the perspective of expectations. I'm beginning to forget who I am. Sometimes it all comes back. Not always when I need it to, sadly. I need my fire back. I need to be angry again.