You're a Mess and We Know It

If you're reading this, know that I know you are in a mess. Everything is still a blur to you, everything is still moving faster than you can register them and process them. If you're reading this, know that we are so fucking worried about you it's not funny anymore.

You do not want to choose, you do not want to take up the responsibility. It's unlike you because you've always been the one to do that very well. You were a religious man, now is the time to believe. There were times when we could do whatever the hell we wanted whenever the hell we wanted, but those days are long gone. More for you than anyone else in the group. But you choose not to take up the responsibility, you choose to run away, you choose to hide away. 

You are feeling numb. And you numb yourself even more by drinking so much. It takes away the pain, the guilt, the fucking guilt of doing what you are doing. Alcohol drowns the conscience in you. But it doesn't fix the problem. You need complete clarity in your mind and body to fight this. It's a battle you cannot lose, but it's a battle you do not have to fight yourself. This is what friends are here for. We share your shit, and we do it until we die. Stop numbing yourself, stop drinking and hoping the problem will go away because it will never go away until you decide to stand up and act against it.

You hate yourself for what you did, for what happened and for what you did after. Maybe, maybe not. But you hate yourself for getting yourself into this shithole. It's a shithole you wish there was a fucking Ctrl+z you can keep hitting over and over again, and wake up with it being just a fucking nightmare. Well it's not a fucking nightmare. It's real. 

We can't sit by the side and pretend nothing is happening. Last week you told me you're in control of the situation and you know what you're doing, but after what I saw last night I don't think so. You're a mess and you're keeping a distance from us because you think we don't know the shit you're going through, because you think we'd judge. Fuck you we don't judge, not you not any one of us. We are worried fucking sick that's what was going through our heads.

I am sorry but this has to end, the bitch will have to leave. This is an intervention. This is no longer freedom of choice, because you are clearly not in the right mind to make your own decisions. You are numb and you are lost and you are abusing yourself because you are punishing yourself for your mistakes.

Turn back, you still can. Your responsibilities need you. There is a reason why all religions preach the same when it comes to family and responsibilities. Because it's fucking true what they all say. Because they people who wrote these tomes have seen enough shit happening in their days. This thin ice you're treading on is getting brittle, it is going to give way.

Do not go any further my friend, my brother. We are more brothers to each other than our families were, and it has never changed since. Do not go any further, the road ahead is fucked. The road ahead is fucking fucked. Please turn back, look back, the rest of us standing right behind you. We are reaching out to you, we want to bring you back. Give us your hand. Let us pull you back.

It may seem like the wrong thing to do now, but this is all an illusion. The fucking devil is pulling your strings, the devil is screwing with you. Don't let it go on, you are better than this fuck! It will get better and when you regain clarity you will know what you did was not right.

This certainty, it is all fake. It is the honeymoon stage of the relationship you;re currently going through. And you think she's the special one because you haven't felt the honeymoon stage for so long you forgot what it is like to be infatuated with someone. This will pass, and soon you will regain consciousness. We don't want that to be too late. 

I am sorry but this is no longer a democracy. You no longer have freedom of choice. You chose us as your friends, and you get friends. We will intervene. You will be given an ultimatum from us, and soon we will intervene. You will fucking hate us but we won't fucking care. Because as your best friends, we are here to pull you back from the fucking devil.

I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Salvation I don't believe in redemption. I don't believe in special things people will get from a higher power if he believes. I believe you have to fix your own shit and you have to make your own future. It's not given to you, you are not entitled anything. Everything you want you have to fight very hard to get. We all do. Praying will ease your mind and it will guide you to the right path, but it will not solve your fucking problems.

Wake up brother. We are fucking worried for you. Wake up brother, don't stay in there anymore. Numbness is not good. Numbness will not make the problems go away. We need you to wake the fuck up now! And then we can start helping you, walking with you, getting you back on track.