Internal Affairs

Let it go. It's over. What you're doing will never amount to anything. I'm not talking about anything substantial, I'm talking about anything AT ALL. 

But what if this time it's different? What if the Law of Attraction actually works? 

Not for this it won't. You can attract all other kinds of shit, but not this. Some things are not meant to be because they are not meant to be. 

The Law of Averages apply. One day there will be one that will work. Until then I will just have to keep my hopes up and optimism up and keep searching. 

You're just coming up with all kinds of weird-ass 'Laws' to justify your thoughts. And each time you fall, you get hurt. Each time you fall you take a longer time to get up. Everything around you will get hurt. Family. Friends. For what? 

For a dream, a dream that one day I will find it. I will find it. I know I will. 

And then what? What will happen then? To what end will you keep destroying what you have around you now to obtain this mythical chalice? Your obsession it's worse than Ahab's. At least he's chasing after something real! 

What is real and what is not? What is humanity and our achievements if not for the dream of the unattainable? 

Everything physically plausible must first be theoretically proven. What do you have that is proven? Where is your mathematical formula? I'm all fucking ears. 

.....

Nothing. 

Some things are not explainable by calculations. Some things are based on gut feeling. 

What gut feeling? Where is your objectivity? Your common fucking sense? Where is it? What makes you think it will happen at all. I commend your optimism but this is consuming you. It's eating you from inside. You're decaying and it fucking stinks from here.

What if there is a giant pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? 

What if you spend all your life searching for the end of this rainbow and you find a giant pot of cornflakes? 

But what if there is gold? 

There is none you fucking retard! It is as impossible as you waving a wand and conjuring up a freaking dragon! 

.....

Let it go, dude. Nothing will happen. Not now, not ever. Don't go chasing after white whales. Let it go. Settle for normal and human things instead. 

'Human things'

Yes human things. That's what we are. We're not any better than other living creatures in this world. We have limits too. Do not be so arrogant and put yourself with the likes of Gods.

'Limits'

What are you ready to risk for it? Are you ready to lose everything, including this thing you want so bad? Your judgement is clouded, dude. When you come to your senses you will understand and agree with me. Trust me. Don't go ahead with it. 

I hate it when people say 'Trust Me'. 

It doesn't fucking matter what you hate to hear. This entire conversation is about what you hate to hear. Only a true friend would say things you hate to hear, because sometimes they matter. 

You know how you water a seed, and you keep watering but you can't see the plant bud? What if it was about to bud when I decide to listen to you and walk away? What if I lose out on the single biggest opportunity of my life? 

What if the seed is dead all along? And no matter how long you water, a plant will never emerge? How many years would you have wasted trying to grow a dead plant? 

..... 

Forget about it. Move on. Move along. Find something else. Find something real. 

My Bucket List

Life. It is appreciated only when one has nearly lost it. It is valued when one is deeply humbled by it's fragility. People jump off buildings and planes, scale mountains, risk frost bites and death, run through war-torn and mine-filled lands, swim across jellyfish-infested channels. 

They're not insane. They do not have the addiction for adrenaline. They do not hate life. They are not suicidal. These people want to feel alive. They want to appreciate life. The want to value what they have, and they want to share this value with the rest of the world. And they sure as hell don't want to do it in a Volvo 240.

This is my bucket list. It's non-exhaustive. I will probably change it every now and then. I may not even get any of them done before I die. It may not be cool to some. But right now this is it. 

Actually Publishing My Book

I like writing, but I'm sure you would've figured that out by now. And I was not always this Mitchy (Male + Bitch = Mitch). Out of the many stories I've written, one I would really like to publish. Maybe soon. Maybe later. Before I die, I hope. I will get it published. 

Free Solo

So over the years of climbing I've moved further and further away from doing the free solo. I'm now an indoor boulderer, without ropes but also without real rocks. Soon maybe when I feel really up to it and suddenly have swollen balls I will work my way to striking this out of the list as DONE. 

Pripyat

I want to go there. I want to feel the radiation seep into my blood. I want to stand right below the Ferris wheel, walk into the abandoned swimming pool, the courtyards, the playgrounds. 

An Enterprise

I'm never much of a work-for-people kind of person. I hate the boredom of stability and tranquility. It sucks the life out of me. I never want to climb ladders and own expensive watches. But I want to build a business. I want to start something worthwhile. I want it to grow and then I want to sell it off to some rich dick who only knows how spend his daddy's trust fund. I will respect him because he will buy it for a very high price, because he will be too lazy to do proper research. 

Coffee Place

They say there exists a mythical coffee shop. Their coffee sourced from the best parts of the world. Your coffee never hotter than 60 degrees. The shop filled with comfy couches. With shelves stacked with the best books in the history of humanity. With the most awesome indie music the world can find. They serve Flat White, which is actually a flatter version of a cappuccino NOT latte. They let you have iced-cappuccino because it's got nothing to do with the amount of foam on top. They use awesome bone-glass cups without fancy flowers and chickens. And they pair your scones with Nutella. And they have Red Velvet cakes too. I want to own one of these awesome coffee places. 

List of Mountains

Kilimanjaro. Annapurna. Aconcagua. Andes. Everest. Matterhorn. Denali. Fitz Roy. It goes on. I'd most probably not be able to even do one. But it's nice to dream, no? 

100 Pull Ups sub-3 Minutes

It's embarrassing to even mention this because my current time is 15 minutes. 

1-Handed Muscle Ups

This serves almost no value apart from the fact that it is way cooler than being able to do a 1-handed pull up! 

Nurburgring Northern Loop in a Pagani Zonda R

The -ring because it's an awesome track. The Zonda because it's the best car ever made. Nuff said. 

Experience Lukla Airport

This will probably be with Everest as I can opt to fly to and from the most dangerous airport in the world. What is life without near-death experiences? 

Kill a Zombie

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Transalpine Run

Because it sounds like fun to run up and down mountains across 3 countries for 10 days straight .

To Die attempting K2

I don't kid. I know I will never be able to summit this mountain even if I'm given 10 lifetimes to prepare. Some places you have to earn the right to see. Some places you have to earn a spot to die in. I want to earn a spot here. I want to be frozen and immortalized forever. Hikers passing through will see me and be reminded of how precious their lives are, how easy it is to lose it. This is where I want to end. 

And I scroll up the list. This list needs a huge-ass bucket. But fuck it. Life is too short. Gotta start now. Off to lunch!