Eskimos Need Ice

Source: http://www.hoax-slayer.com/north-pole-moon.html

For the longest time I have been living by the motto of 'Learning to Sell Ice to Eskimos', since about 5 years ago easily. I believed that was the very nirvana of the Art of Selling and Marketing, when you get to give people what they can otherwise freely get around them, in return for cash. So this is my idea of Selling Ice to an Eskimos. I know it will seem very obvious and DUH even, but somehow it feels like an accomplishment to me that I have finally uncovered to secret to this motto.

1. Clean Ice
Don't you for one moment think that just because you don't live in a pollution-infested city you won't be exposed to the same acidic rainfall and oil spills. Snow and ice scattered everywhere around you are filled with these contaminants, which will as easily cause death as a hungry polar bear (notice I'm using localized terms to make them feel at home with my pitch). Clean water is the only option for everyone, because you shall not compromise when it comes to caring for your family's health. Clean ice ensures that all your glass is filled with contaminate-free and mineral-rich water from the French Springs (total bull crap but it sells), so you can hydrate your body without any fear of dysentery.

2. Cold Water in Winter
'Why do I need to drink cold water in the winter' you ask? Well do you know that drinking cold water burns calories (Okay this bit is absolutely TRUE)? Your body uses 1 calorie to raise 1 gram of water by 1 degree Celsius ( Source: http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/question447.htm). Since your pee is also not ice-cold, this proves that your body actually increases the temperature of the water you take to 37 degree Celsius. This also means that the colder the water when entering your body, the more energy your body needs to bring it up to warmth. Viola! Take that, fitness gyms and weight-loss programs!!!

3. Never About The Ice
Ice distributors like Altas were never about the ice, rather they have always been about the distribution. It is actually a moving company, not an ice producing company. Ice is, by itself, as generic as it can ever be. It flows out of your house tap, costs one sen per thousand liters (totally exaggerated). When you get clean and healthy mineral water packaged in ice cubes and sent to you once a day for a nominal fee, wouldn't you think it's a good deal? I would. Plus, we have good after-sales services and we give a discount on every 100th kg sold to you. All major cards and paypal accepted. Delivery within 4 hours of order. Service with a smile.

Source: http://hollywoodspinster.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/in-dreams-the-spinsters-dating-pool-more-a-puddle-truth-be-told/

4. It's About The Feel
'But if I leave my warm water out in the cold for 2 minutes, it will freeze up anyway. And this is free.' Of course you don't really believe that, do you? Consumers are usually only concerned about one thing when choosing a product: how his choices are reflected in the eyes of others. Do you actually think BMW and Mercedes people are loyal to those brands because they absolutely adore its engineering marvel? Most of them don't even know the difference if given a blind test with both the cars. It is the marketing that got them to desire these brands. Ice is no different. Have you tried drinking a shot of single malt without ice in your glass? Sure you get the full flavor, but you lose the feel. The sound of ice cubes colliding and collapsing as it melts and blends with your whiskey. The way the weight throws around when you disturb the glass as you're talking up this hot Inuit chick with rosy cheeks and cute dimples. It is always about the feel.

'But in these cold weather everything will freeze over in the matter of minutes! How do I get to enjoy the thrashing and clanking of my ice cubes?' May I interest you in these lovely Thermal Glasses? They collect energy from the sun to keep your contents warm and enjoyable. One full charge lasts a whole month, for those 30-days-of-night moments (again, localization of product). Comes in 15 colors and 3 sizes. Collect the whole set!


What do you think?

Sold?

No?

Fuck you