You were the first. The one who taught me the number before ONE is ZERO, the one who told me after December ends it will become January again. Those days were very vague, and I was quite shocked that I could remember bits and pieces of them. Like when you used to always bring the coolest pencil boxes to school, those with compartments that would spring out from all angles. I don't even remember your name now, and I don't have anything to refer back to no year book no photographs. Maybe I still have some photographs. I could look them up.
I sat beside you in school. I went to this school alone so I didn't have any friends. My inability to speak like a normal person made it harder for me to voice my thoughts for fear of embarrassment. So there you were, sitting beside me. Apart from the people around who know my name, you were the only one who'd actually talk to me. You were a great artist back then, you could draw out awesome looking dinosaurs and suns and mountains and bears. Because dad didn't give me much money for lunch I would not go to the canteen during recess. And you'd stay with me in class and you'd teach me how to play those game books. Honestly I had no idea what I was doing or what was going on with my character. All I knew was if I made a wrong move and my character died, I'd backtrack and choose the other page number. I think it was the next year when you left, but I couldn't quite remember to where. We never exchanged numbers because we had none. I hope you're doing well now, I hope you're still drawing. I remember your name. I hope you remember mine.
We were friends for about a year or so, and we were close. You were like a replacement for the one who left the year before, and I would teach you how to read game books and draw dinosaurs and suns and mountains and bears. We were like hermits, not wanting to hang out with anyone else not wanting to play the games everyone else would play. Our friendship ended quite quickly. It was good while it lasted because we'd hardly talk to anyone else and I didn't feel uncomfortable talking to you. And when the teacher asked me to call my name out, you'd do it for me because you knew it would be difficult for me to do it. But then it was brief. I think you left the year after, or were we separated when our class got broken up and combined with others. I couldn't remember much about that. But I do remember your name. I hope you're doing well too. Better than I am doing.
We'd travel to school together by bus. We became close because we stayed just a couple of blocks away from each other, and it was rare because our school was about 10 kilometers from our homes. We'd bring our bicycles out on the weekends and holidays, and cycle to the famous curry house nearby. We'd play football, basketball, buy Doraemon comics and read them in the park. Society didn't really approve of our friendship, I didn't understand why. I still don't understand now. But we remained good friends, until the day came when you were replaced. My new friends were, well, newer I guess. And slowly we lost contact and never talked anymore. We still saw each other in school until graduation, but we never noticed each other anymore. I stay on the same block as you now. Whenever I drive home at night I'd remember the friend I ditched and forgotten, the friend who cared but were not returned the same kindness. I know this apology will not get to you, and it will not make me feel any better but I'm not ready to walk up to your house and talk to you just yet. So I'm sorry, from afar.
We'd known of each other's existence but never actually got close until that year when we sat opposite each other. Then I found out you stayed near my house. And I found out your grand dad had an entire housing garden and roads named after him. But that didn't stop us from becoming friends, best friends even.That didn't get your parents too protective of their sons for hanging around people at the bottom of the food chain. Well we never knew of food chains. We knew of friendship and homework, nothing more. When we moved to secondary school, you left. Off to better schools. It was a good move, our public schools were crap anyway. I don't know where you are now, where you are staying and whether or not you are married. But every time I drive pass that corner house with the blue roof I'd remember you.
You were probably the greatest loss of my life. I can't say it was my fault for you walking out on us all, but it was my fault for now working hard enough to look for you. We spent a good 5 years as the best of friends. We were so close people often thought we were brothers.We got into trouble together, we skipped school together, we started smoking together, we went for Friday lunches at the food court below Metrojaya together. Remember the Curry Laksa? You always loved the uncle's Assam Laksa. What the fuck happened? Why the fuck did you just abandon all the years of friendship and left? You taught me how to be what I am today. You told me when I was having the biggest trouble handling my temper, that I should not close it up instead learn how to use it to my advantage. You taught me, in the midst of all the politics we were facing in the scouts, to keep calm and carry on. You taught me, even beyond my own eyes, that I was better than how I saw myself. But you were not the same. You didn't dare face your SPM results until a year after we got it. You blamed us all for causing you to consistently fail in college. Come on, prove to me what I said was wrong. Come the fuck out and tell me what I heard was crap. Two of our best friends got married last year and the first thing they did was asked me to look for you. Don't fuck around anymore. We all miss you. I miss you. You are a great friend, one I don't want to lose. Come back, dude. We grew up together, that's gotta count for something.
Friends come and go. Some stay in your heart, others you just forget ever existed. But there are a few, the few that shaped your life and made you who you are today. You learn from the mistakes you made with them, from the things they said to you, the times they stood by you when shit hit the fan.
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