Malaysian Guide to a Fast Car

To all you petrol heads out there, this is what you know: Malaysia imposes a levy of up to 300% for imported cars Completely Built-Up and Completely Knocked-Down. So cars are expensive, and most of us law-abiding Samaritans could only ever dream of owning a 400bhp+ car in our lifetimes. 90% of people can never feel the power of a simple 200bhp ride. Or can they?

Many years ago, the Malaysian auto parts market has been trading some shady stuff. Serious shady stuff. Nano Technology. Stickers and light bulbs that can give cars actual horse powers. Dear noobs, allow me to present you a guide to building a fast car only in Malaysia. Seriously. Build it anywhere else and it most probably won't work at all! Must be the odd magnetic vibe here so near the Equator. Singapore is not the same thing.

1. Eye Lid ( 3 BHP)
Got sappy and miserable 6-Series headlamps? Worry not. Slap on a pair of lids and see your car increase in power and aggro cred. Your car looks meaner now more than ever. Don't take my word for it, go onto the streets and stare your opponents' cars into pulp!

2. 'Sponsor' Stickers (1 BHP each)
Go to more flea markets, get to know more auto retail staffs. Buy, beg, trade or steal them. Stick them on your car fenders, hood, bumpers, anywhere you can possibly fill. Don't know where? Google up photos of GT cars and learn from them! Got them backwards? No problem! They work the same.

3. Low Rider (3 BHP)
Cars must have a lowered ride feel, regardless of whether they actually contribute to better handling. Don't bother replacing your existing coils with a harder one. In Malaysia, cutting your existing coils is the way. Cut an inch, and see you shave away time on century sprint!

4. Cheap White Lights (5 BHP)
Super cars spot thousand-Ringgit Bi-Xenons and HIDs. Do not despair. The local market sells cheap bulbs with added feature; power. 2 bulbs is all it takes to increase your car's power by 5 bhp. Your new Lampu Putih Cap Brothers will make tailgating an awesome sport. See them foam up in their mouths as you approach (with, hopefully, your other mods that add to power). Changing your lamps, just a myth! It's okay if you can't see the road, as long as people can see your lights.

5. Ultimate Wings ( 7 BHP)
Don't be cheap. Get one that can catch a hurricane! The bigger the better. At home in your porch it doubles as a sun deck for your clothes, salted fish and pets. At Titiwangsa it doubles as a picnic table.

7. Hood Scoop (5 BHP)
Go out and hunt for some sick looking hood scoops. One for good style, two for better power output. Just slap them onto your car hood. Don't worry, they don't have to lead anywhere. Drive your car fast enough so nobody will notice.

8. M3 Shark Gills ( 3 BHP each)
Ever wondered what you'll want your competition to see on your car when you're making an overtake? Let it be your powerful M-Sport Gills. It breathes fire when you're not looking!

9. Big-Ass Exhausts (10 BHP)
Size does matter. Get them so big you can fit your head in! Have them loud. Because speed is measured in decibels.

10. Brakes?
Brakes? What's that? Oh the Chicken Pedal! No you don't need those things. Remove your stocks if you want, as they add to weight. Real men don't use brakes!

This is just a preview of what magnificence you can do to your ride with just a little bit of money. It's okay if we can't afford Lamborghinis and Ferraris. These mods will add an approximate of up to 42 bhp without counting how many car stickers you have!! Holy shit, no wonder so many cars out in the streets are modified this way!

If you want to turn your cars into ultimate speedsters, you'll have to purchase my book entitled Speed: Way of the Pariahs. In this book I will reveal the secret to making a Proton Saga win a Supra on straight-lines.